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I said 'We'll start with one.' He was trying to pull a fast one.I'm against hunting. Tim’s career has blossomed and British … Tim Vine in the style of Tommy Cooper Read More » You can share any bit of funny information, piece of trivia too or tell a story about this comedian here too!42 funny quotes, stand-up comedy jokes, sayings and citations by comedian

Tim Vine Jokes. I don't know what people see in them.

But I think it's Colin.I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past.

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays. He said, 'Eurostar?' ""You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. Here you will find more info on the comedian Tim Vine, who is who I am.

It's either my mum or my dad. I'll tell you what,…

Tim Vine has written a great deal of his own comic material, unfortunately some of Tim’s jokes have been mistaken for Coooperisms. funnycomedianquotes.com/funny-tim-vine-jokes-and-quotes.html Or my older brother, Colin. I'm actually a hunt saboteur.

He said Hundreds & thousands?' It's murder on the Orient Express isn't it?The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.

No worries! They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

Especially if you’ve got one of those slow connections and you leave it on while you’re hoovering. Name's Wedgie Kray.Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. 100 funny jokes and quotes about love, sex and marriage Previous slide Next slide 31 of 102 View All Skip Ad “Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back.

Back to: People Jokes: Comedian Jokes.

Mind you, at least the Eurostar's comfy.

'Help us to expand our database and send best quotes from Tim Vine you know by using the form below. It was a bit choppy.Black holes.

I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes. Famous for his quick-fire one-line gags Mr Vine’s comedy is very cheesy, but the type that is hard not to laugh at. I said, 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.' All cookies are required for us to maintain the website how we need to.Just like every website we have to show a stupid cookie banner :/ Either accept it or get the hell out! He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' Tim Vine Quotes – One Liners By Record Breaking Comedian.

'I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. If you like this comedian he has quite a few DVDs you can get, including They sure were fun fact, weren’t they!

His winning joke was ‘I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. I don’t want to exaggerate but I reckon you could be on here for about six minutes. He said, "How flexible are you?" He won the funniest joke of the year at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2010.

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."

He said, "How flexible are you?" He said 'You're closest.

"So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'.

I didn't know what to make of it.So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'" Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu.

'So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' If you want to see Tim’s latest giggles you can follow him on Twitter, his handle is @RealTimeVine, here is an example of one of his comical tweets.All cookies on ChuckleBuzz are classed as necessary for us to keep the site as secure and performing how we want it to.No cookies are non-necessary. On TV he was also a regular in Not Going Out, a BBC comedy by Lee Mack.

In 2004 Tim went into the Guinness World Record Book for the most jokes told in 1 hour. Posted on Feb 3rd Jul 8th by Chuck Buzzberry.

"He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library'. Exit signs? He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'.

Total sell out at the Edinburgh festival is now on tour! In fact, Tim is a fine stand-up comedian in his own right, and in 1995 he won the Perrier Award for Best Newcomer at the Edinburgh Festival. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.'

And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. Plastic Elvis 2021 Rescheduled UK Tour Dates. Have fun! Tim Vine is an English actor, writer, TV host and hilarious stand-up comedian, his stand-up act mainly consists of quick-fire one-line ‘groaner’ jokes and word play.

No quotes? So that was nice.

14th July 2020. They're on their way out.I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris.'

I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.

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